I'm a wallflower. I'm shy, an introvert and generally as far away from being gregarious as a person can possibly be. It's just the way I am, I've been this way since I was little and it's the only way I know how to be. It didn't used to be an issue, but as I get older it's starting to become more of a hindrance to my work and social life. I think I started to notice this when I was about 9, when I realised that in every school report there'd be a comment like 'Kate is shy' or 'she lacks confidence' etc. They were making it seem to me that being shy is a negative thing, which now I understand is utter rubbish, it's a personality trait not a choice. I didn't wake up one day and think 'Oooh, I'm going to be shy', and I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and think 'Ok, I'm not going to be shy anymore' and that'll be that. There's this stigma that people who are less confident and less outgoing are that way because they just can't be arsed to make the effort to be louder, that being 'shy' is just an excuse. For a long time I believed this, and every time I was in a situation and I'd feel like I wasn't contributing as much as everyone else/ as I could, I'd beat myself up about it afterward, and spend the rest of the day wallowing in self pity that I was a pathetic human being. But I'm just not that person who can go up to a stranger and start a conversation or volunteer answers in class every 30 seconds, I'm just naturally quiet and private, and I only say things if I need to. Is that necessarily a bad thing?
A lot of people say that quiet people are 'awkward' and uncomfortable to be around. Well guess what, maybe you make me uncomfortable, sat there bitching about every person you've ever met and harping on about how you're such a strong person for being able to speak your mind, no matter how rude and uncalled for your words are. Doesn't anyone value respect and kindness anymore? I think a real 'strong person' wouldn't blast their mouth off every time something doesn't go their way, but instead they would consider it carefully and take the other person's point of view on board, and maybe, just maybe, take into account that the world doesn't revolve around themselves.
That's what us wallflowers do; we observe. We watch other people and learn from their mistakes, and although we don't always contribute, we always listen. Anyone can talk, but not everyone is able to listen, make sense of a stream of someone else's unadulterated consciousness. I'm not saying being loud and outgoing is a bad thing, sometimes I wish I was able to be able to say whatever I wanted without worrying how others will react, but I can't and I won't. Everyone is different. It doesn't matter if you're quiet or loud, we all contribute different things to society, be it in the form of our own ideas or supporting other people's through listening to what they have to say. If everyone was shy life would be boring, and if everyone was loud it would be the same. Different personalities are what make society work, they're what allow the human race to accomplish anything at all, because for every speaker there needs to be a listener, and vice versa. That's just the way humans work, so just because someone's shy you shouldn't try to change them, in the same way that if someone is opinionated you shouldn't tell them to shut up. We all have a voice and a mind, but each of us choses to use them different ways, and I think that's beautiful.
Thanks for reading, til next time...
Kate x
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